Eulogy for a Master
A parody of one of my favorite poems, G. K. Chesterton's "The Great Minimum."
Syndicated to Twitter.
Posts Tagged "parody"
Higher Flight
This is an Elon-Musk-themed parody of John Gillespie Magee, Jr.'s "High Flight".
Oh! I have spurned the surly SEC, And pierced the skies with rocket booster flames; Sunward I've turned, to harvest energy; Nutted to Mars -- and played a hundred games You have not dreamed of -- founded, bought, and sold; Ran Paypal, blasted Dogecoin to the moon, Built companies from visions into gold, And granted seven children silver spoons. Up, up the endless void of frozen black My dankest starship speeds with burning grace. I've seen the future, and I won't look back: They'll say I left my mark upon the times. For I have sent my Roadster into space -- Put out my hand, and touched the face of Grimes.
The Gamer's Prelude
This is a loose parody of the Prelude to The Canterbury Tales, dedicated to, and inspired by, none other than my good friend Ryan Wright (read his interview with The Drongo, or play Ryan Quest.)
There came a schollar from Viking country, Well verst in ludonarrativity. When that Aprill with his shoures thick Hied off, he watched ye childe play hoop and stick To ponder changing stick for lethern balle, And wryte upon the meninge of it alle. Of anti-gamer scorn, no hede took he, Aware that men live in society, While those of lerninge to him wolde adjure For hy discourse on English literature. Full gladly teched he on such things culturall, And left each lecture-hall with maydens plurall. Exotic assets allways filled his pipe: He was a verry parfit gaming type.
Software Parody
It is relatively easy to define "parody" when the object of parody is a book, poem, movie, or piece of music. What would it mean to parody a piece of software?
Functional Objects Can Be Parodied
It will not do to claim that software is immune to parody because it is a functional construct. A building is functional, yet its structure could be parodied, perhaps by a distorted replica having stretched hallways with non-rectangular cross sections, and doorways which are too small for humans or which lead nowhere. (Architecture in general can also be parodied: consider the ridiculous effect of a diminutive Arc de Triomphe in the middle of a normal-sized roundabout.)
Countryside Nastiness
In September, Chris Stasse sent me a letter which concluded with his calligraphic rendering of "Countryside Pleasures No. 6" 《田园乐——六》, by Tang-era master poet Wang Wei. My reply to Chris included a parody of the same poem.
My version's title swaps out the third character, 乐 le4 "pleasure, happiness", for the rhyming word 恶 e4 "evil, vicious, harmful." Here is "Countryside Nastiness," by Wang Wei's little-renowned cousin, Wrong Wei.
桃红中坏烈焰 柳绿烧成灰柱 花落腾于热气 鸟啼出窝恐离
Translation:
Red peaches suffer from fierce flames Green willows burn up into pillars of ash Flowers fall, then rise on heated gusts Birds cry, leaving their nests in fear
Bloo With You
A late-night snippet imitating the chorus of Weezer's "Pork and Beans." For Hayley ("Bloo") to sing to Seth.
I've a PhD that I must pursue There's neuroscience knowledge to accrue With calves athletic and a belly lean At times my swagger's known to cause a scene Although I'm picky 'bout my repertoire I'll practice strumming tunes that you adore One look in our mirror and you know it's true: I'm awful fond of being Bloo with you
(Hayley: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I’m not sure what the tune is (hint pls!!!) but I’m smiling ear to ear anyway <3
Me: It's 'Pork and Beans.'
Hayley: OH FUCK YEAH
)
Dew
This is a parody of "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea", the best-known song by 90s group Neutral Milk Hotel (NMH), feted for their otherworldly sound and surreal lyrics. I apologize to Jeff Mangum, Scott Spillane, Jeremy Barnes, and Julian Koster for perpetrating the following verses.
As always, I encourage you to sing along. A glossary follows.
That's Right, Voyeur
This is a naughty parody of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", a Beatles classic from the White Album.
Huge Katana
This is a parody of Leonard Cohen's famous song "Hallelujah". When my friend Matt mistook a haiku for such a parody, I knew I had to make it real. Consider this a companion piece to "Hakuna Katana".
News: this got picked up for production into a real song!
Hakuna Katana
These verses are parodies of the song "Hakuna Matata", from Disney's animated film The Lion King. I wrote the first two stanzas on 2018-01-14, and the other two on the publication date above.
Consider this a companion piece to "Huge Katana".
Hooked on Darjeeling
A parody of the song "Hooked on a Feeling", originally performed by B.J. Thomas and further popularized by Blue Swede.
That's Podracing
A Star Wars parody of the classic Dean Martin song "That's Amore".
When you pull a tight spin Without losing your grin— That's podracing When the chance cubes are rolled And you have to be bold— That's podracing Racers bring (Bring a ling a ling, bring a ling a ling) Pods together in battle Watto squirms (Squirmy lurmy lurm, squirmy lurmy lurm) Only Shmi left as chattel When you feel in command Soaring over the sand— That's podracing When a man screams "poodoo!" As he cedes ground to you— That's podracing When foes swear in Huttese As you place first with ease— That's podracing When announcers go wild: "Anakin, the slave child!"— That's podracing Racers bring (Bring a ling a ling, bring a ling a ling) Pods together in battle Watto squirms (Squirmy lurmy lurm, squirmy lurmy lurm) Only Shmi left as chattel
The Bunghole
A parody of William Blake's "The Tyger".
Bunghole! Bunghole! Clenching tight, On the toilet, in the night. Curse you, bowels! Set me free! Has my poo no place to be? In a distant land of glee— Somewhere constipation-free— Man may poo most joyfully. He knows not of agony. He knows not the price we pay: Pants 'round ankles, we inveigh, Grunting, swearing, moved to pray, Pooing in a toilsome way. For what reason, in God's grace, Did He make man squat in place, Wasting time, without a say, On a poo's extended stay? What immortal hand on high Moved to make our poo so dry? Whither Bunghole and his fee? Whither constipationry? Bunghole! Bunghole! Clenching tight, On the toilet, in the night. Curse you, bowels! I don't see What I've ever done to thee!