Dew

Published on . Updated on .
Tags: poetry, parody

This is a parody of “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea”, the best-known song by 90s group Neutral Milk Hotel (NMH), feted for their otherworldly sound and surreal lyrics. I apologize to Jeff Mangum, Scott Spillane, Jeremy Barnes, and Julian Koster for perpetrating the following verses.

As always, I encourage you to sing along. A glossary follows.

What a scrumptiously-based mountain liquid I taste
Could this be what sex feels like? Must be
While I chug, enemies start to flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye, they'll be shot by me
Sweet caffeine
Glug it dry, then use the bottle to go pee

And one day we will die, and respawn in the sky
Where God's scoreboard will show our K:D
But for now, we are young
Gaming far from the sun
Laying waste to all comers and guzzling freely
My mommy
Says to turn it off, but all I do is ree-eee-eee-eee!

[Spillane horn solo]

What a gripping gunfight
I've been having tonight
On the leaderboard, I made top three
I'm in love with my life
And my virtual wife
Hear the voice that I made for her digitally
Love to be
In the arms of my handmade waifu daki

Now how I crave Mountain Dew
How I would stretch my tongue out to
Receive what nectar trickles through
The mountain valleys, green and cheap

Where does it come from? No one knows
We dare not question sacred flows
Our slurping, burping record shows
It's Dew that keeps us on our game

[Koster on the singing saw]

What a scrumptiously-based mountain liquid I taste
As I pick from arrayed weaponry
And when we meet on a cloud, we'll sip long and sip loud
Fragging noobs in a vicious and masterful spree

Can't you see?
We gamers live in a society

The promised glossary, for those unaware of certain seedy aspects of gamer and otaku culture: